by John Hammerstrom…….
This piece was originally published in 2005. The satire is still germane, as Governor Scott has recently proposed greater development that would adversely affect evacuation safety. The original, valid concept of limiting growth so that the Keys could be evacuated in less than 24 hours has been perverted to the point of meaninglessness, because elected officials have incrementally excluded significant portions of the population from the evacuation calculation, trading public safety for development.
The PhonyVacuation Plan
A new proposal – PhoneyVacuation – promises a substantial improvement in hurricane evacuation clearance time that will facilitate unlimited building development and an increase in public safety.
It only requires that hurricane forecasters deliver nine days of warning before landfall of a hurricane, setting aside the nettlesome historical fact that many recent strong hurricanes surprised forecasters by intensifying from tropical storms to category 3 or greater hurricanes in less than 24 hours.
For the PhoneyVacuation plan, residents will be divided up into nine portions according to their last names and they will evacuate alphabetically over nine days, with the aid of the number/letter keys on a smart phone.
The “1” on a phone keypad has no letters associated with it and is an evacuation freebie. Relax, there’s plenty of time. Nobody need evacuate. Continue reading »