screwed blu'd tatooed reef

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book,

Screwed, Blu’d

and Tattooed


Reef Perkins

***Trout’s Tale***

(Click here for previous chapter)

 Nothing counts … unless you’re counting.

It was time for Trout Bender to leave the small Florida farming town of Pooheepka. Pop. 627.

Trout walked slowly toward town where he hoped to catch a bus to somewhere. Anywhere would be somewhere compared to Pooheepka. He ambled along and thought back over the last few years.

Three years earlier, Trout arrived in Pooheepka after a stint with the French Foreign Legion. During his tour with the Legion, Trout traveled extensively and formally surrendered in many different and colorful locales around the world but, eventually, he just wanted to go home. Home to Florida and back to his tribe, the Turaquoi Indians. The Turaquoi, an offshoot of the Wannabe Clan, were an opulent and well-appointed group of retirees living in air-conditioned Tiki huts among the saw palmettos, scrub pine and run-off pits surrounding central Florida’s biggest malls. Many of the early Turaquoi had been rounded up and put in mental institutions for trying to, “Save the Earth.”

Trout’s first job in Pooheepka was wrangling worms for a guy named Danny Quatrell who ran the Low IQ worm ranch six miles out of town. That job ended suddenly and now, a year later, his last job, circumcising snapping turtles for the county animal welfare clinic, also came to an end.

Trout ambled down the dirt road in a cloud of warm, insect-laden memories. He carried his belongings in a piece of cloth that looked like a used diaper tied to the end of a stick. Trout was a full-blooded Turaquoi and his tribe was “fashion oriented” to say the least, but like many young fools, Trout rebelled against the old ways. He left home years ago dressed in hemp clothing. He liked the Tom Sawyer look, always had, and would not give it up even for bootlegged Armani jeans.

Trout was small and stirred little dust on the unpaved road.

It was easy to daydream in the soft sunset that was Pooheepka’s. Friendly bugs flirted with needle sharp kisses. Trout knew he would miss the town and its country folk-ups. He thought back to his days on the Low IQ worm ranch. He’d always had a soft spot for worms. They used to come and rub up against his leg when he was young.

The job at Low IQ Ranch had been his dream-come-true.

I still gotta ways to walk so I think I’ll tell the story one last time, Trout said to himself. I’ll tell it like it was told to me by ol’ Danny Quatrell before he moved in with the herd. I’ll tell it to you like he told it to me, but mind you, it’s been most of a year, but, well, it all started a long time ago…”

Ready for more?

Click here to get your own copy of Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed [and other stories] by Reef Perkins


About the Author

Captain Mark T. “Reef” Perkins is a marine surveyor with a colorful past. From commanding a 150-foot 300 DWT US Army diving ship off Vietnam to smuggling in the Caribbean, Reef Perkins has become a living legend. A graduate of both the US Army Engineer Officer Candidate School and the US Navy Salvage Officers School, he’s a man comfortable in or out of the water. Raised in rural Michigan, Reef now lives in Key West where he can get his feet wet. He is the author of the bestselling memoir, Sex, Salvage & Secrets.


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Published by Whiz Bang LLC, 926 Truman Avenue, Key West, Florida 33040, USA

Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed copyright © 2013 by Reef Perkins. Electronic compilation/ print edition copyright © 2013 by Whiz Bang LLC.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized ebook editions.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. While the author has made every effort to provide accurate information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their contents.

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