Roseburg Redux


by Alex Symington…….

Back in October 2015 there was, yet again, another shooting spree in Roseburg, Oregon. In exasperation I wrote this:

Now we can add Roseburg, Oregon to the infamous list of communities traumatized by mass murder. Another mentally ill (this one obsessed with religion) young man, with “small arms” (innocent sounding name of things so deadly) killed nine people in his community college English class then killed himself. You and I knew it was only a matter of time. It was inevitable. In America gun mass murder events are as regular as Yellowstone’s Old Faithful. Yes, regular as clock work and fast becoming as traditional as mom, apple pie and football. The NRA, in collusion with congress have effectively destroyed our sense of reason and numbed our collective conscience. We all know that our NRA owned and operated congress will never ever, never ever, EVER pass legislation to alter one single element in the lucrative, blood soaked gun manufacturing and distribution process. In light of this certainty I am going to create a generic/multiple choice essay form. This will save time and psychic stress when writing about all future blood baths.

“Terror was struck in the hearts of the citizens of _______________ (applicable town/city) when gunshots rang out in their ________________daycare center/school/professional building (choose appropriate venue). The ________________children/students/office workers (choose appropriate victims) were surprised when the shooter(s) entered their building brandishing ________________, ________ and several _____________(s). (name specific firearms) The ____________ (applicable town/city) police called in state troopers for assistance and extra fire power to attempt to take down the shooter(s) before they could kill more ______________ children/students/office workers. When it was over, the ___________ (municipality) police and ___________ (applicable state) state troopers managed to take out the shooter(s), but tragically not before the shooter(s) had murdered __________ (add number of murdered here) and wounded __________ (add number of wounded here).

The people living in ###################________________ (town/city) could not wrap their heads around the fact that this bloody tragedy had happened in their community. One person interviewed was in tears because she/he knew _________ (appropriate number) of the victims and could not believe they are gone. ___She/he was quoted as saying, ‘Why…why? What a senseless act, ________(She/He/They) was/were____________________________________ (enter appropriate tragic narrative) e.g., just starting their lives/ had young children waiting at home/ had just retired and was/were looking forward to spending more time with the grand children.’

This ____________ (add unique identifier for this particular massacre, i.e., school/theater/church/club) shooting, was the latest in a series of high-profile mass killings across the country and has led to fresh demands for stricter gun control in the United States, including an impassioned plea by _____________ (current President) for political action, and statements by ______________ (appropriate political players) and others supporting the right of Americans to bear arms.

Wayne LaPierre (NRA executive vice president for eternity) once again defended the rights of all Americans to own firearms with absolutely no restrictions and again called for arming every man, woman and child in America, insisting this is the only solution to gun violence and that people with guns are the only defense against other people with their guns. He was quoted as saying, “Guns good, people bad.”

This is the point at which you hold your pointer finger horizontally between your lips and rapidly move it up and down while humming…

I am now prepared to write about tomorrow’s or next week’s machine gun massacre or hand gun shooting spree at the mall. All I need do is fill in the blanks. There are around 319 million people in the US and approximately 90 guns to every 100 people. According to the NIMH, National Institute of Mental Health, “In 2013, there were an estimated 10 million adults aged 18 or older in the U.S. with SMI (Serious Mental Illness).” That’s a lot of US citizens that are seriously mentally ill and have completely unencumbered, absurdly easy access to hand held weapons of mass destruction. What could possibly go wrong? So, kick back and relax. Don’t worry. What are the odds that it will be you or your loved ones becoming victims in the next government sanctioned, NRA approved, killing spree by some unhappy individual(s)?

I weep for this fading empire.


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4 thoughts on “Roseburg Redux

  1. well, you know that it is all scripted, that’s the good news. the bad news is that you just can’t seem to grasp who is writing that script.

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