Oct 092015

gun guy


by Alex Symington…….

Now we can add Roseburg, Oregon to the infamous list of communities traumatized by mass murder. Another mentally ill young man with “small arms” (innocent sounding name of things so deadly) killed nine people in his community college English class then killed himself. You and I knew it was only a matter of time. It was inevitable. In America gun mass murder events are as regular as Yellowstone’s Old Faithful. Yes, regular as clock work and fast becoming as traditional as mom, apple pie and football. The NRA, in collusion with congress have effectively destroyed our sense of reason and numbed our collective conscience. We all know that our NRA owned and operated congress will never ever, never ever, EVER pass legislation to alter one single element in the lucrative, blood soaked gun manufacturing and distribution process. In light of this certainty I am going to create a generic/multiple choice essay form. This will save time and psychic stress when writing about all future blood baths.

“Terror was struck in the hearts of the citizens of _______________ (applicable town/city) when gunshots rang out in their ________________daycare center/school/professional building (choose appropriate venue). The ________________children/students/office workers (choose appropriate victims) were surprised when the shooter(s) entered their building brandishing ________________, ________ and several _____________(s). (name specific firearms) The ____________ (applicable town/city) police called in state troopers for assistance and extra fire power to attempt to take down the shooter(s) before they could kill more ______________ children/students/office workers. When it was over, the ___________ (municipality) police and ___________ (applicable state) state troopers managed to take out the shooter(s), but tragically not before the shooter(s) had murdered __________ (add number of murdered here) and wounded __________ (add number of wounded here).

The people living in ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­________________ (town/city) could not wrap their heads around the fact that this bloody tragedy had happened in their community. One person interviewed was in tears because she/he knew _________ (appropriate number) of the victims and could not believe they are gone. ___She/he was quoted as saying, ‘Why…why? What a senseless act, ________(She/He/They) was/were____________________________________ (enter appropriate tragic narrative) e.g., just starting their lives/ had young children waiting at home/ had just retired and was/were looking forward to spending more time with the grand children.’

This ____________ (add unique identifier for this particular massacre, i.e., school/theater/church) shooting, was the latest in a series of high-profile mass killings across the country and has led to fresh demands for stricter gun control in the United States, including an impassioned plea by _____________ (current President) for political action, and statements by ______________ (appropriate political players) and others supporting the right of Americans to bear arms.

Wayne LaPierre (NRA executive vice president for eternity) once again defended the rights of all Americans to own firearms with absolutely no restrictions and again called for arming every man, woman and child in America, insisting this is the only solution to gun violence and that people with guns are the only defense against other people with their guns. He was quoted as saying, “Guns good, people bad.”

This is the point at which you hold your pointer finger horizontally between your lips and rapidly move it up and down while humming…

I am now prepared to write about tomorrow’s or next week’s machine gun massacre or hand gun shooting spree at the mall. All I need do is fill in the blanks. There are around 319 million people in the US and approximately 90 guns to every 100 people. According to the NIMH, National Institute of Mental Health, “In 2013, there were an estimated 10 million adults aged 18 or older in the U.S. with SMI (Serious Mental Illness).” That’s a lot of US citizens that are seriously mentally ill and have completely unencumbered, absurdly easy access to hand held weapons of mass destruction. What could possibly go wrong? So, kick back and relax. Don’t worry. What are the odds that it will be you or your loved ones becoming victims in the next government sanctioned, NRA approved, killing spree by some unhappy individual(s)?

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 October 9, 2015  Posted by at 12:38 am Alex Symington, Issue #135  Add comments

  17 Responses to “Massacre du Jour”

  1. First – but not necessarily in this order:
    – Educate and involve a progressive citizenry
    – Compile a much less conservative SCOTUS
    – Reverse ‘Citizens United’
    – Encourage a responsible fourth estate
    – Break the ‘Dominionist’ hold on red state politics
    – Elect a Democratic congress
    – Always elect a Democratic president!
    – [add your favorite]

    In the meantime, count on other countries to save the world, because we, as a selfish, delusional, pseudo-Christian nation, sure as hell ain’t gonna do it!

    :/ pip

  2. The gun issue in “blanks” is brilliant and sad, sad to an intense degree.

  3. c’mon guys… most, if not all, of these “events” are false flags. you see any bodies, again? blood? the guy on the stretcher that was supposedly shot 5 times but looked fine, and bloodless? did you see CNN use footage of sandy hook to report this latest massacre, complete with sandy hook school sign in full view?

    how many times are you going to buy the lies?

    • Hi keys,

      Wow! Are you a real ‘birther’, or just playing one? Either way, maybe if you got more sleep?

      Just askin’ – pip

      • that’s right pip, don’t let facts get in the way… just keep that head in the sand.

        by the way, how did shaquille boettger’s book grab you? still believe that fiction too?

        ya know, it’s one thing to believe in something like a skydaddy; that I can understand. but to deny facts because they do not fit into your myopic, socialized world view, is just plain imbecilic.

        just sayin’…

        • Oh. I see. You’re just trolling. Never mind – forever.

          Just one more thing – That rock you’re living under could use some upkeep.

          • ahhh pip… yet another example of that acerbic, sardonic wit. the literary genius that flows so effortlessly from your keyboard is a wonder to behold, and certainly beyond the meager capabilities of my limited grasp of the english language to be able to respond with any where near the same eloquence. you and your buddy shaquille, in between shaking the sand out of your hair, must spend endless hours doing crosswords or something to be so adroit with your name calling.

            here, this link applies to you.


  4. jeeze alex
    them pesky founders…look what they started! has nothing to do with the bulls eyes painted on the schools called ‘gun free zones’…nope it was that 2nd amendment that’s at fault….yep not the shooter either but the gun itself that has the responsibility. oops almost forgot the NRA is at fault too with their gun support of the 2nd…yep and so is GOA [gun owners of America] and the ‘Oathkeepers too…you know them ‘radicals’ that stood off the BLM on the Bundy ranch…..gads this nation is going right downhill with all this self defense 2nd amendment support ain’t it! I think i’ll be much safer if I post a ‘gun free zone’ sign in front of my house to keep them bad guy whacko thieves and rapists and murderers away. yeah such a great idea!

  5. Alex, Thanks man, being someone who has the temerity to put pen to paper on a regular basis, your handy-dandy guide to gun massacre journalism makes it a lot easier. You’ve performed a great service. Allow me to add the following scenario to the cliche factory this issue has engendered. Here is a hypothetical Q & A with some gun fetishists: Q- Do you think we should give out speeding tickets? A- Sure. Q- Why? A- To stop people from speeding. Q- Yeah, but there will always be people speeding, right? A- (duh).
    Q- Do you think we should put crooks in jail? A- Sure. Q- Why? A- Well, to protect the people. Q- Yeah, but there will always be crooks, right? A- (Duh).
    This issue, amongst others (how about a decent health care system?), is living proof of a nation’s mental illness. ciao, PCM

  6. Yet another excellent and sadly enough timely piece Alex. I woke up to this on CNN this morning: http://www.cnn.com/2015/10/09/us/northern-arizona-university-shooting/index.html?eref=rss_us Seems your, “I am now prepared to write about tomorrow’s or next week’s machine gun massacre or hand gun shooting spree at the mall. All I need do is fill in the blanks.” was more than prescient.

    You said, “The NRA, in collusion with congress have effectively destroyed our sense of reason and numbed our collective conscience.”

    As morally bankrupt as I believe both these groups are, I can’t agree with you that they’ve destroyed or numbed our collective anything — that, my Brother, falls squarely in our OWN collective laps. If (as most folk want to believe), this country is, in fact, a democracy — why then, can’t “we the people,” muster the courage and conscience of our convictions to empty out the “big top” and send all these clowns packing??? The answer seems pretty simple to me — there are W-A-A-Y more Americans whose fears (of the “Other,” of retribution for past acts, etc., etc., etc.) keep them walking in lockstep with the LaPierre’s and congressional do-nothings of this country.

    “We all know that our NRA owned and operated congress will never ever, never ever, EVER pass legislation to alter one single element in the lucrative, blood soaked gun manufacturing and distribution process.”

    You’re absolutely right!! If anything, their legislation will continue to support that manufacturing and distribution process, kinda like this one: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/03/us/texas-lawmakers-approve-bill-allowing-guns-on-campus.html?_r=0

    Let’s be clear (no pun intended!), unless and until we the people first recognize that (as Mr. Piper so eloquently put it above) for the most part, this country IS a “selfish, delusional, pseudo-Christian nation” and then, exert the political will to seriously challenge these clowns (Ds & Rs both!) at the ballot box, kicking them out when they legislate against our best interests — nothing will ever change. I’ve come to understand that we’ve got to stop “tilting at windmills” and fight the real fights which, by the way, I think we can win — if we really want to.


  7. Sensitive topic, sure.
    If instead of TSA checking for nail files, have them pass out loaded pistols. There would never be another hijacking.
    A friend of mine was leaving work at Jackson Memorial Hospital one afternoon along with her co-workers. They were waiting in a line of cars for a light to change. Her drivers side electric window was rolled down just a little. A big young male came to her window, put his hand on the glass and pushed down. The window dropped. He reached in and put his hand around her head with a knife to her throat and demanded her purse. She could not reach it, so he dragged her out of the car with the knife still on her throat, grabbed the purse, and took off. She thought she was going to die right there as her co-workers helplessly blew their horns. The cops arrested a young woman using her credit card a few days later, but the guy was never found. Not long before, her boyfriend was in New York city on business and was likewise stopped with a line of cars for a traffic light. Another young guy came and put a pistol in his face and demanded his wallet. He gave him the wallet, said “Do you want my watch, too?” The guy just shot him in the face and killed him for no reason and took off as unarmed people all around helplessly watched and heard. There were no arrests.
    Another friend in her thirties was living and working in Detroit. A young thug who may not have been old enough to buy a beer managed to remove bars from one of her windows, entered the house carrying a knife, ordered her to remove her clothes, then raped and robbed her. She went to the police who were uninterested in taking a report and said, “Lady, everyone gets raped and robbed in Detroit.”
    Guns are not violent, but some people are violent. If they don’t have a gun, they may use something else- maybe just superior strength.
    Guns are the equalizer that makes the otherwise defenseless become formidable targets. The predator wants to hurt, but not be hurt in the process. Hammerheads with shark cams were seen to abort attacks if they were seen coming. All of the victims described above would not likely have been victims if the aggressor thought that he might have become the victim- either from an effective defense (a bullet for example) or from the aid of armed bystanders.
    A de-clawed cat is at high risk of injury out on the street, just like a disarmed person. It is unfortunate that deterrents are necessary, but that’s just the way it is. Would a school shooter pull the trigger if he thought he would quickly be shot full of holes from other students or school staff? I doubt it. I see gun-free zones as an easy opportunity for the deranged.
    False flag incidents to sway public opinion? You bet. Maybe or maybe not this shooting, but false flag attacks have proven to be highly effective strategy and should always be considered as a possibility.

  8. Halloween, Wow! If someone who is generally as rational as you can come up with this … wow! There is no longer any hope for us. Has it ever dawned on you that a gun is a much more efficient killing machine than a knife? With a knife it is one at a time, maybe even less, with a sophisticated gun it is multiple. Your comments are a complete rejection of any possibility of living in a civilized society. Once we get to the point where arming everyone is the only way to “save” society, then that society is not worth saving. Nobody agreeing with Mr. Symington is saying we can find perfection with some form of gun control, we are saying we can improve the situation. Halloween … even though football players continue to get injured, they still wear helmets. Should they take them off? My God, this whole debate is so embarrassing. It’s a no brainer. When something like this cannot be resolved, it is a sign of mental illness. ciao, Depressed

  9. Like I said, it’s a sensitive issue, and this country is very divided on the issue.
    There was a time when there was no thought of gun control. My friends and i would walk down the street with a loaded rifle headed towards the woods. Nobody looked twice. Nobody worried, except that maybe we would accidentally shoot ourselves in the foot, and that was unlikely because we were taught gun safety.
    If The Colonies had been disarmed, there would be no United States.
    The Second Amendment was put there for a reason.
    Do you only trust police and military on duty to carry a gun? Hell, cops can’t even be trusted with a taser and cuffs! Read about it right here….over and over.
    Do you think the criminal element will ever not have guns?
    Do you think a thug can’t make his own gun with a piece of pipe? Back in my day, the bad seed at school made their own instead of spending $25 at Sears. That gave them more money to get liquored up on the booze that was also prohibited to them.
    It’s always a bad idea to invade a country where the citizens are well armed. It’s a breeze if all they have are sticks and stones but your guys have assault rifles.
    Always consider that anything that gets a lot of media attention is a false flag attack or otherwise “arranged”. Watch the great movie “Wag the Dog”. That is a must-see for more than just the superb acting.
    What percentage of schools in this country have ever had a multiple shooting? How was the shooter finally stopped?
    Americans have been well trained to be fearful. A sicko sniper shoots somebody getting gas on the east coast and people on the west coast are afraid to pump fuel! What percentage of people in all of the US fueling their cars were shot? Your odds of dying because someone blew their nose and then pushed the grocery cart that you pushed next are probably way better.
    I know I won’t change your mind, just like you won’t change mine. That’s okay. I respect your right to have a different opinion. However, I will not be a happy camper if you and enough of like opinion agree to let our out of control corrupt and power-abusive government leave me defenseless against everyone with evil intent just because guns scare you. Plus, I might want to go hunting again if I ever move out of this (for all practical purposes) national park! There was a rough time when my family would have gone hungry if I did not go out in two feet of snow and kill something for dinner. Porcupine is okay eating, just hard to clean.
    No offense meant here. People who support disarmament have just had different life experiences. I’m just saying what I believe and trying to explain why. Then maybe you won’t think I’m irrational just because I don’t want to be defenseless, and like that de-clawed cat, a no-risk opportunity for some predator.

  10. Halloween, None of the gun restrictions being contemplated would keep you from having the gun you want. Restricting guns would lessen everyone’s chance of being effected by gun violence. You can look it up. Other developed countries have such laws and have fractional gun violence compared to us. The more guns out there, the more gun violence there will be. America has proven that. Also, sorry, but I can be convinced of anything as long as the argument has some merit. I’m listening to all the gun people all the time and what they say is pathetic. Sorry, Jerome

  11. Halloween, The American Revolution was won with the massive help of France and other countries at odds with England. They financed the possibility of creating an American Army. Individual people having a few muskets had nothing to do with it. I’ll repeat something I said before with respect to this issue: no serious change in any social order has ever, never, ever come about because private citizens used their private weapons to create a new social order, or defended themselves from a usurper with such. One of 2 things, or both, must happen to create a “revolution”: massive help from outside, or a serious part of the regular military and/or police force coming over to the rebels. That’s it.

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