Issue #88 — Friday, November 14, 2014
It’s a hell of a thing when an FDLE Special Agent commits perjury. A hell of a thing.
Kathy Smith, lead FDLE agent in the Eimers death-in-custody investigation and KWPD’s Chief of Operations at the time of the arrest, appear to be partners in a perjurious plot to obtain a strangely advantageous home loan.
This casts more doubt on FDLE’s “independent” investigation of the death of Charles Eimers. It is especially troubling considering that so much direct evidence including dashcam recordings, Taser video footage, and witness information was allowed to “slip away” and that Eimers’ body was nearly cremated before autopsy; all under Special Agent Kathy Smith’s watch.
Today I am going to relate your brief life as a spermatozoa to what I expect will be the lack of a crowd at the Thanksgiving memorial to Charles Eimers. I have an important insight to the nature of your own personal life which I am sure you never thought of, and which you will never forget once I explain it. It will also explain and make us all feel better about the triumphant rise of the New Plutocracy in the good ol’ U.S. of A. [Don’t know who Charles Eimers was? Click here]
An unarguable fact is that every person alive on earth has won a lottery about a million times as unlikely as winning the Super-Power-Ball-whatever jackpot. Here are the numbers: of a woman’s one million eggs, only 300 get a shot at ovulating. And these are chased by an average man’s 525 BILLION lifetime sperms. So here is the image of myself I cannot forget: I only exist because I was one of 3/525,000,000,000 of my dad’s sperm to get together with one of 3/300 of my mom’s eggs.
Note: Obviously, this essay was written a number of years ago and the cinematic landscape in Key West has changed, but only slightly. In spite of its age, I find it all still relevant as I hope the reader will.
The inspiration for this essay was a piece I heard on National Public Radio commemorating the classic film The Graduate. I stumbled into the report after it had already begun, so I don’t know exactly what was being commemorated. Perhaps its 25th anniversary?
Before getting back to The Graduate, let’s examine what is playing at the movies as I write.
The town where I live is possessed of only one movie venue, that being the “Cinema 6”. This means there are six cinematic ways for adolescent minds to ward off boredom. Unfortunately, this is the role modern cinema has been reduced to, pressured into compliance by the omnipotence of the Global Economy. Any movie truly having to do with the human condition is purely coincidental and very rare. For that smattering of nerds with an intellectual formation beyond Notre Dame football, there is a dues paying Film Society, which sporadically accommodates their needs. In other words, not just in my town but in most places, the “Cinema 6” is it.
OK, what’s playing today?
Most people (and this may be wishful thinking on my part) in the United States are familiar with the acronym SCOTUS. If you aren’t, I will give you a quick hint. It does not refer to a male body part. Rather, it refers to a group that includes male body parts but female ones, too: the Supreme Court of the United States. SCOTUS has been around since 1789, established by Article Three of the US Constitution. The article states that justices for the high and lower courts “shall hold their Offices during Good behavior.” This “good behavior tenure” means they have the job as long as they are “good,” which gets us (me at least) into thorny interpretive waters. During the court’s history, judges have been removed fourteen times, apparently for being naughty, by congressional impeachment. Two of these were for drunkenness, one for graft and corruption, and one for “failure to live in his district,” whatever that means.