Key West The Newspaper

Dear Editor,

Watching the Republicans in debate has been painful for many voters in recent weeks. There has been a lot of heat, mostly from Mr. Trump, but not much useful light. For instance: Immigration is a top issue, and if you’re satisfied with semi-plausible, boilerplate rhetoric, all of the candidates have tried hard to oblige. Although Mr. Trump has had at least the loudest Republican voice, it may not count. Now the Pope has magically appeared on the exact spot where the Donald wants to put up a – “Lemme’ tell ya’, a MUCH BIGGER”- fence.

For too long, there have been pressing immigration questions but few audible answers from the Grand Old Party itself. That’s why the Donald at least seems so unique. You can hear him. Most Republican voters are still unclear on specific immigration policy solutions. Since their “leaders” can’t – or won’t – define the border in concrete, usable english, National Republicans can only resort to batting about mushy, endlessly deferrable Talking Points.

Clearly, there is another question lurking behind this side of the Border: Why cannot the Party of Goldwater walk and chew gum at the same time when the destination is so fundamentally finite as an effective definition of the National Borders? This is precisely the same crew that will rise in valiant unison whenever “Guns or Butter” questions appear on Capitol Hill. They pride themselves on being the only Americans left who can locate Anzio or Bataan on a map. Yet 40 years after Cheech and Chong beat the cops back to East L.A. – after that Tijuana border tussle? – the ever-stalwart “Republican Friends of All Law Enforcement, Everywhere and Forever ” still appear to be without a clue. You know, Border wise?

If you don’t feel like reading the rest of this, OK. The punch line is not couched in some high-minded, moral palaver. It’s this: In the year of 2016, inside The Holiest of Patriotic Holies, at Republican National Headquarters, the official Immigration Mantra still is :

“Dave ?… (for some allegedly unknown reason) … Dave’s not home, Man.

“No….

“No, man: Dave’s not home.”

Who, then, should rank and file Republican voters pick to carry their banner in the 2016 election? What if you’re a Republican Catholic? The Pope may or may not have closed Hell recently, but today it sure seems like he wants open borders.

Dang! It’s a puzzlement, ain’t it? Where can we, The Little People, find some perhaps lonesome but definitely genuine, Republican guiding light when our beloved, august, National Republican Party “leaders” seem unable to agree on a suitable lunch venue?

Let’s look at what a Real Republican has had to confront – from both the front and the rear – when she recently tried putting her conservatively – styled Pumps on the Ground out in the Southernmost Arizona desert – in real life, Down On the Border – not merely in some verbo phantasy land.

Return with us, now, to a not – so – golden – yesteryear, and ride along with Arizona’s very own Republican governor Jan, as she tried to deal with her state’s toughest hombres … (Tip: it’s not the cops, the crooks OR the immigrant laborers.)

The Governor of Arizona had been approached by senior Police and Sheriffs who then painfully described to her an ever worsening daily situation facing their Law Enforcement people. An un-planned for, steadily increasing population growth in the state had loaded the normal resident to officer ratio far too heavily to work as it normally should. The source of this new imbalance was a continuous stream of “undocumented newcomers” from below the Rio Grande. Everyday response times to 911 calls had become impossible for southern Arizona cops to deliver routinely. At busy times, at nights and on weekends, the overload had proven dangerous. The influx of new people, aside from any national legal questions, had already stretched their existing local government resources far too thin. So they finally resorted to a direct meeting with their state’s Chief Executive. They believed that without some statewide policy improvements – and funding – things in their towns would only get worse.

Said the top Arizona cops: “We already have a major problem with cross border drug traffic. It’s not as though the job – seekers are all criminals, too. Cumulatively, however, we’re now seeing social problems get further out of hand every year. We need your help, Governor. The border is supposed to be an explicitly Federal Problem. And they do, in fact, have 15,000 people there. That’s like a full Infantry Division between Brownsville, Texas and San Diego, California to address it. On the face of things, from a distance, maybe, the Federal presence might seem like a plenty big enough force.

“Unfortunately, that number has proven to be grossly inadequate, and it has been for decades. Washington has known all of the details for years, but they have never made any real policy correction. Washington politicians – even Conservatives – have always been loud in speeches, but also effectively mute on real solutions.

“Why? We don’t know. We can’t answer that one for you, Governor. Instead, in Washington, both Republicans and Democrats have depended on Us to provide further border support to Them, and now our agencies are stretched beyond each of our local limits. We are ALL going broke trying to fix a Federal problem. We cannot bankrupt our own small communities in an impossible effort to redress gross and chronic Federal incompetence in Washington. Net, net, net? We here cannot maintain Normal, satisfactory levels of Public Safety. We are not sufficiently effective. We are strained beyond our limit now, and we’re worried about tomorrow.”

Soon after that meeting, the Governor of Arizona publically announced her intention to back Arizona law enforcement even more vigorously, with greater energy and attention. In response, she got a letter from a prominent Arizona Businessman’s’ group that was signed by some of the wealthiest people in the state, many of them Republican Party donors. It got right to THE one, real, important, definitive point.

To paraphrase:

“Look, Darlin’, we wave the Flag as hard as anybody in this Country. We do it fervently and on a regular basis, as a matter of course. We’re Republicans! WE are the ones who ‘Remember Pearl Harbor’ the loudest! WE are the only ones who still even pretend to ‘Remember the Maine’!

“But listen, Dear: When you do ANYTHING!!! to obstruct the freely Initiated , northbound flow of our most worthy ‘little brown brothers and sisters’ … well !”

“What we mean is: if you impair their heartwarmingly free – market arrivals here, enough so that they perhaps might not achieve their own laudable, family – centric economic goals? You know, Here? Well then First of All, you must very, Very quietly understand that you would also be hitting US hard, Too.”

“Right in the (expletive deleted) wallet!”

“And THAT just ain’t gonna happen, Sweetheart.”

“Toodles.”

Good luck in November to all Southernmost Republicrats!

Paul Williams

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