Reef Perkins

Mar 182016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins “Check-Out Time”  (Click here for previous chapter) … Jordan whined. ”There’s no little bottles of shampoo, no body lotion, no shower cap, nothing! The toilet paper isn’t even folded! You cheap ass!” The crooked croupiers looked at each other. “Chill, I’m not your mother,” Alan said bravely and moved to relieve himself. “Jordan, look at this!” “Not now, Alan.” But curiosity drew Jordan to the bowl. The [continue reading…]

 March 18, 2016  Posted by at 12:20 am ~ Artists ~, Issue #158, Literature No Responses »
Mar 112016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins It’s Been a Pleasure  (Click here for previous chapter) I was in the reception room reading and overheard. “It has been a pleasure speaking with you this afternoon, Mrs. Weiner-Wood. You made distinct, if not noticeable progress during our session.” Dr. Silo Cornhull tilted his zero- gravity chair upright. “I’m afraid our time, our precious time, my dear Mrs. Weiner-Wood, is up for now… for today…Ah, Mrs. [continue reading…]

 March 11, 2016  Posted by at 12:18 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #157, Literature No Responses »
Mar 042016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins Bullet Holes in Canada  (Click here for previous chapter) Oakley Holmes Perkins sat in the back of a eighteen-foot Old Hickory wooden canoe. His wife of fifty years, Ethel Allyn Perkins, sat in the bow. Their Indian guide, named Too, floated nearby in his canoe. Oakley and Ethel were separate, yet together, as they had been since the first day of marriage. Oakley, an avid fisherman, hunched [continue reading…]

 March 4, 2016  Posted by at 12:41 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #156, Literature No Responses »
Feb 262016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins OVER  (Click here for previous chapter) A 1952, twin-engine Lockheed Lodestar, originally designed to shuttle orphaned moose for the Canadian Park Service, crossed the Colombian mountain range at 14,000 feet and descended rapidly. Mama’s Rose was painted in hooker red on the nose cone, just above a rack of commemorative moose antlers. Mama all but flapped her wings to stay aloft in the thick jungle air. If [continue reading…]

 February 26, 2016  Posted by at 12:34 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #155, Literature No Responses »
Feb 192016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***A Pod of Souls*** (Click here for previous chapter) After losing Beth in Pinhole, Blu stole a 3.5-cylinder Chinese motorcycle with a detachable sidecar. He packed bread, bologna, blankets and cheese into the sidecar and made the two thousand mile trip to Key West at thirty-five miles per hour. Blu was only a hundred miles from Key West when the sidecar broke loose. It careened wildly across [continue reading…]

 February 19, 2016  Posted by at 12:46 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #154, Literature No Responses »
Feb 122016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***The End of the Road*** (Click here for previous chapter) “Hey, Dad, where’s Key West?” “It’s at the end of the road, Danny.” “What happens at the end of the road?” the twelve-year old asked. Mud Lips paused to spit a ball of brown goo out his partly open window. “Well, Danny, from what I hear it’s one crazy-assed roundabout. That’s what it is. It’s a counter-clockwise, [continue reading…]

 February 12, 2016  Posted by at 12:44 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #153, Literature No Responses »
Feb 052016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Trout’s Tale*** (Click here for previous chapter)  Nothing counts … unless you’re counting. It was time for Trout Bender to leave the small Florida farming town of Pooheepka. Pop. 627. Trout walked slowly toward town where he hoped to catch a bus to somewhere. Anywhere would be somewhere compared to Pooheepka. He ambled along and thought back over the last few years. Three years earlier, Trout arrived [continue reading…]

 February 5, 2016  Posted by at 12:52 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #152, Literature No Responses »
Jan 292016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Fork Q*** (Click here for previous chapter) Granny “Floy” Fracas lived on the Fork-Q ranch out east of Pinhole near the end of Old Boheel Road. Granny was eighty-two and had spent her entire life on the Fork-Q. She inherited the spread when her dad died. Granny remembered a hard life, full of hard hardships and harder hard hardships. When she was young her dad made her [continue reading…]

 January 29, 2016  Posted by at 12:38 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #151, Literature No Responses »
Jan 222016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Pinhole, Texas*** (Click here for previous chapter) The recently coupled couple arrived in Pinhole on feet. The only entrance not locked, blocked or cocked was the front door of the local church, The Holy Order of the Shrivelled Penance. The temple was a small adobe hut with a red Mediterranean-style roof and a crude cross made of dismembered, plastic pink flamingo parts. Blu peeked through the beaded [continue reading…]

 January 22, 2016  Posted by at 12:29 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #150, Literature No Responses »
Jan 152016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Twelve Gears and Gone*** (Click here for previous chapter) Ticks Ratfield sat in an old White Freightliner tractor/trailer rig. He was fueling up at Randy Cooter’s Cowbone Truck Stop, six-hundred miles northeast of El Paso. Ticks one-hundred-twenty pound cowboy body shook in sympathy with the ancient diesel that rattled like an overloaded washing machine. I’d rather be riding a Brahma bull, he sometimes thought, and sometimes did. [continue reading…]

 January 15, 2016  Posted by at 12:58 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #149, Literature No Responses »
Jan 082016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Earlier in Key West*** (Click here for previous chapter) With Perki’s help, Blu got a job at the Naked Bunch. It only lasted a few days. He made a lot of money but, after making thirty-two of his unusually popular Penitinis in a row, he got frost bite on his mixer. No one offered to take his shift and when he learned workman’s comp did not cover [continue reading…]

 January 8, 2016  Posted by at 1:04 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #148, Literature No Responses »
Jan 012016
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins *** The Small Café*** (Click here for previous chapter) The cafe smelled of coffee and piss, like all the others at this latitude. A dangling fly strip over the bar was full and buzzing. Business was good. Squads of corpulent attorney flies corkscrewed the smoky air, trying to eat each other while consoling the doomed. Beth, a rumpled, now blond-haired woman in khaki shorts, slipped through the [continue reading…]

Dec 252015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins *** The Small Café*** (Click here for previous chapter) The cafe smelled of coffee and piss, like all the others at this latitude. A dangling fly strip over the bar was full and buzzing. Business was good. Squads of corpulent attorney flies corkscrewed the smoky air, trying to eat each other while consoling the doomed. Beth, a rumpled, now blond-haired woman in khaki shorts, slipped through the [continue reading…]

 December 25, 2015  Posted by at 12:36 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #146, Literature No Responses »
Dec 182015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Looner Too*** (Click here for previous chapter) During the same period of time that Blu was out of town, Ferling Bagwidth also left Key West and traveled by bus to Washington, DC in an attempt to market the Looner-Too. After three months of face to face, in-office consultations with his local Congressman and not showering or changing his cloths once, the government agent agreed to pay citizen [continue reading…]

Dec 112015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***A Short Legend*** (Click here for previous chapter) For a few days Blu Yunger became a short-lived legend in Coconut Grove. At first, folks stood in line for hours to see his “Additional Member” and be regaled with a romantic story that always began, “Fakyah folks… she’s real, I was there long enough to know.” But the days passed and Blu, shrunken by loneliness, couldn’t keep the [continue reading…]

Dec 042015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Key West*** (part two) (Click here for previous chapter) It took Pepto a couple days to track Ferling Bagwidth down. He had a connection in the Miami sewer department. A guy who knew his shit. The connection gave Pepto the name of a guy in the Key West sewer department. “He knows his shit,” the friend covertly advised. Pepto met his source behind an old septic tank [continue reading…]

Nov 272015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Key West*** (Click here for previous chapter) Blu, Fakyah and the Ferd made it to Key West where they happily pissed Blu’s four-hundred dollar winnings away. Blu tried to call his Uncle Bagwidth several times, but all he got was a message saying “It’s a good day to die, don’t bother leaving a message.” Blu and Fakyah holed up in the El Rauncho Motel for three nights. [continue reading…]

Nov 202015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Meanwhile***   A phone rang in Miami. Pepto Ramirez, known as “El Gran Frijole” in the Mexican drug cartel, was an illegal gangster res-hiding in Miami. Pepto and his Mexican bodyguard, Truman Chipotle, were holed up in a cheap one-room apartment at the Sweaty Palms Boatel, downtown near the Dick Dock Bar. They looked at each other over warm Pabst Blue Ribbon beers. “I’m loving deez Miami [continue reading…]

Nov 132015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Back in the Ford*** The Ford Fairlane ran cool at ninety-five miles an hour on the Florida Turnpike and there was plenty of air. The damp, dirt-scented breeze sucked fast through the Ford and bitch-slapped a green Pine Tree deodorizer hanging from Fakyah’s middle finger. Blu bought the stinky tree and a six-pack of Schlitz at the Guzzle gas station. He was trying to soften her up [continue reading…]

Nov 062015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***On the Porch*** Back on the porch, Ferling Bagwidth checked his cup, focused his eyes and mounted the Looner-Too. With a sense of history and a deep breath, Bagwidth made the first small hop for mankind. BAM! The blank fired perfectly, launching him twenty feet up, and down, Dung Beetle Lane. Bagwidth leaned into the wind; he felt good, real good and prepared for a one point [continue reading…]

Oct 302015
 
Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins…continues…

Key West author Reef Perkins shares more of his hilarious book, Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins *** Bagwidth History*** Years ago, Ferling’s father, Big Roid Bagwidth, sent him a handwritten letter. It was the only communication Ferling received from his father since Big Roid went out for diapers fifty some years ago and, although Ferling didn’t know it at the time, he received the letter just days after Big Roid died. Big Roid’s simple two-page note to his son began, “I guano die [continue reading…]

Oct 022015
 
Screwed, Blu'd and Tattooed by Reef Perkins... continued

Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Present*** Later that night, after counting his four-hundred dollar jackpot for the eighth time, Blu stole a license plate off an old Yugo parked ass-in near a Guzzle gas station in South Miami. He tweaked the stolen plate onto the Ford then reclined, thumbed through his wad for the ninth time, and watched a watchable girl in cut-off blue jeans punch a handful of quarters into a nearby air pump. The girl had skinny, swizzle-stick legs stuck in [continue reading…]

Sep 252015
 
Screwed, Blu'd and Tattooed by Reef Perkins... continued

Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins ***Previous Deeds*** Blu Yunger grew up in Hinckley, Ohio, seasonal home of the Hinckley buzzard. The Hinckley is a cosmopolitan scavenger that every year, for reasons unknown, migrates to Key West to shit upon the tropical paradise at will. Some Hincklanders called the turkey buzzards, “turd smugglers.” Blu was born long and skinny with a hefty Adam’s apple, curly red hair and a third testicle. According to his mom, the attending midwife said the triple was an “O-Man!” [continue reading…]

 September 25, 2015  Posted by at 12:26 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Issue #133 No Responses »
Sep 182015
 
You're Invited to Take a Peak at Reef Perkins' Hilarious Collection, "SCREWED, BLU'D AND TATTOOED (and other stories)"

Alright guys.  Ready to LYAO?  Here’s a sneak peak just for you BP readers:  Reef Perkins’ hilarious collection of short stories… “Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed.”    Join us!! Screwed, Blu’d and Tattooed by Reef Perkins “Two roads forked in a wood.   I don’t care what roads do in private.   I turned and headed back. It was cold.   And that has made no difference at all.” (Blu Yunger, 8th grade) Forefinger by Blu Yunger Some souls are destined to wander without a clue. I am one, one [continue reading…]

 September 18, 2015  Posted by at 12:40 am ~ Artists ~, Featured Artist, Island Voices, Issue #132, Literature No Responses »